


the stars; oh they cry for you.

by jemmasimmns (laurellance)



Series: jemma simmons cronicles [1]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-30
Updated: 2016-04-30
Packaged: 2018-06-05 11:55:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6703609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laurellance/pseuds/jemmasimmns
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>the star bound wanderer travels the celestial heavens, her eyes aglow with the light of centuries of knowledge, the bravery only learned from the burning of starlight. she wants to come home. </p><p>there are angels that await her upon her eventual return, saints that she has loved and lost. they await her, await the starry eyed astronaut who ran to get away from the fearfulness of her choices. </p><p>the chorus of voices increase, and it’s the combined cries of ‘jemma, come home’ and her own wistfulness that drive her back into the atmosphere.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the stars; oh they cry for you.

"i just want to go home" said the astronaut.

"so come home" said ground control.

‘‘ｓｏ  ｃｏｍｅ  ｈｏｍｅ’’ said the voice from the stars.

 

the star bound wanderer travels the celestial heavens, her eyes aglow with the light of centuries of knowledge, the bravery only learned from the burning of starlight. she wants to come home.

there are angels that await her upon her eventual return, saints that she has loved and lost. they await her, await the starry eyed astronaut who ran to get away from the fearfulness of her choices.

the chorus of voices increase, and it’s the combined cries of ‘jemma, come home’ and her own wistfulness that drive her back into the atmosphere.

* * *

 

jemma is a lost child, lost in her mind, lost in her heart, lost in a place she can’t understand. she knows now where to go, because there are no compasses that can lead her to safety, no men with bamboo cages to fall in love with, no intelligent legacies of howling commandos to turn to.

she is completely lost, and she wanders the cosmos, mapping out every centimetre of them. the constellations are vast, wide, a night sky filled with the light of the cosmos: they envelope her in their brightness, and she dances with them, one partner after the other in a never ending ballroom dance.

it’s magical, and she doesn’t want to return to earth. There is no pain and strife here, no emotional attachment. It's paradise, and she doesn't want to leave.

Will doesn't sacrifice himself for her escape here, Trip doesn't die a hero's death. And she dances in the stars, entangles herself in their affairs so that she can claim she does not need to go home.

* * *

 

They say that to have someone, to own something to hold dear to herself is priceless, and she blinks away the tears.

Her heart yearns for it: for two boys, no _men_ , she has truly and deeply loved. Two men who she yearns to reunite with.

She wants to go home; to bury them properly. They deserve that much, at the very least. It is the least she can do for them, the least she can do to uphold their honour.

“I want to go home,” she whispers. A desperate prayer that echoes across the galaxies, vibrates and reflects into the smallest particles of the cosmos.

She expects no answer. And she watches; she misses them. She wants them back- wants them back into her arms. She wants to hold them, to break upon them. To scream her injustices at them- the injustice of them _dying_ because why does she always fall in love with the honourable ones who will never do her harm, why can't she love as passionately and dangerously as Bobbi, or even as similar as Daisy?

 _It isn't fair_.

* * *

 

The stars eventually allow her a rest. A quiet oasis; where the carousel of the heavens can be viewed from afar. It's beautiful, she thinks as she admires them, and she hopes to have a companion next to her.

It would be peaceful if her mind didn't drift to her lost boys.

* * *

 

She had always been told: _one day, darling, you are going to break hearts_.

Whose heart was she breaking as everything fell apart around her? Hers was destroyed, shattered like the broken remains of a mosaic reused to no end.

The colours lose their intensity, fading to dullness as the lights in her eyes sim out. She is becoming desaturated, her intensity drained away by never ending pain.

(Some days, when fitz doesn't bother her and she is alone in the lab, she will turn out the lights, and pretend that by sleeping under a desk it was akin to sleeping next to Will. Hunter usually finds her by accident, but never once does he actually say anything.)

* * *

 

She thinks even more of her heart breaks when she loses Hunter and Bobbi.

It's not quite as bad a punishment as death, no, but it's harder: at least with the dead, she knows they will be at rest. She does not with Bobbi, she does not with Hunter- _she does not know if they will remain safe._

She wakes up one day from her bottom of her desk: there is no Earl Grey waiting on the table, or horribly flavourless American biscuits to go with it. No sarcastic comment, nor annoying voice to wake her now. (The silence, she thinks- it was the worst part.)

Sometimes, she swears she sees ghosts. She sees the hair of Bobbi, maybe Hunter’s silhouette sleazing around with  Mack on the couch playing video games and complaining about losing.

It's the lack of sleep; insomnia plagues her now more than ever.

* * *

 

She wants to come home: she wants her people back.

( _they can't come back, jemma darling.)_

The faces haunt her, in their quirks and their characteristics and _she loves them so much_.

She suspects Trip had wanted to ask her out; this much she knows for sure. He had told her so many things: about the Howling Commandos, personal stories of Peggy Carter, Captain America.

Trip had handed her a necklace: dog tags, from the war. _They belonged to my grandad_ , he had said nostalgically, _and now, they are yours._ She holds the dog tags in her hands, and they burn into her palm. Engraving sets of numbers into her hand, and she doesn't mind the pain. Trip had started getting closer, and now, he would never.

She would have accepted his offer. ( _She was the only one who he told personal stories to.)_

* * *

 

**_So, tell me what happened to the girl who dared to dream? What happened to her?_ **

_She died of heartbreak; nothing can save her now._

(Jemma wakes up, and Will and Trip are there waiting. She holds onto them, and _never_ wants to let them go-

The tears she buries are gone, vaporised. Her smile illuminates the skylines, and the vibrancy returns. Will hugs her affectionately, giving her one of the only smiles she ever gets, and trip never lets go of her.

 _I'm home._ )

**Author's Note:**

> I love jemma simmons way to much and absolutely despise how the show treats her as just Fitz's love interest. (I don't recc getting me started on her writing in the recent eps.)
> 
> Anyway; i'm a bitter jemma simmons stan and you can find me at raypalmur on tumblr!! :D


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